When I was a busboy, I filled the water glasses of legends, true legends like iron man Cal Ripken, Jr. and the greatest quarterback of all time, Johnny Unitas. It was an upscale restaurant with busy nights of constant motion, and the busboy you were teamed with made all the difference in the world. I was often partnered with Gary Messersmith, and both of us sportsmen we had contests all the time. Who could pile the most glasses on that little round tray, stacking high with precarious precision and walking dauntlessly off the dining floor; or who could shoot the most consecutive rolls into a garbage can from an ever-increasing distance; or other contests as easily forgettable. There was that one great contest, though, that would enter the annals of busboy history. The rules were simple. Whoever drinks the most water wins. We filled sixteen ounce styrofoam cups, all water, no ice, and started drinking. Off the dining floor to empty a tray or get the next table settings or fill a basket of rolls, and a cup would be chugged. Fingernail slashes in the styrofoam marked our progression as the contest waged on. For an hour we counted slashes and fought this battle, each drinking sixteen full sixteen-ounce cups before we were both so bloated and uncomfortable that we gladly called a draw, and immediately designed our next obvious contest, that being who could last longest without going to the bathroom. The pain was extraordinary, but we were strong competitors, and proud, and were able to withstand for an unbearably long time (probably minutes) before finally this contest too ended in a draw and we found ourselves standing side by side at the bathroom’s two urinals for an eternity of pleasure, both of us pissing the piss of our lives. I was up all night, from that first piss on, every twenty minutes until morning, standing over the toilet wondering if I would ever dry up. It seemed at the time a high price to pay for a contest with no winner, but the price, it turned out, was well worth paying as this famous night came ever after to be the legend known as The Great Water Drinking Contest.