A duck walks into a bar… but you’ve probably heard that one, so how about a funny little story from my days as a barnacle scraper. Nelson Anderson was the boat-yard’s head boat-mechanic, and in his shop he had a mini-refrigerator, and in his mini-refrigerator he put his daily donut supply. But his donuts were disappearing. He tried but couldn’t catch the crook until finally he chocolate-coated a honey-glazed donut with Ex-Lax and caught his donut-thief brown-handed. I didn’t know about the Ex-Lax trap, but the day after it had been set, Kenny, a fellow yard-dog, came out of the bathroom and took me aside. “Rich, man, don’t tell anyone, man, I shit in my pants on the damn bus this morning.” I said, “What!” and cracked up laughing, then went around telling everybody I could find. When I told Nelson, he said, “Ah ha! Got him!” And I said, “What?” And then he asked me, “Can you keep a secret…?” When I saw Kenny later, I said, “Kenny, how the hell did you shit yourself? What’d you have for breakfast this morning?” He held his stomach with both hands and said, “Man, all I had was a damn chocolate-covered donut.” I kept Nelson’s secret for as long as I could, but it was a secret too good to keep for very long at all.